I Have a Confession to Make

That's right, I have a confession to make. Listen closely... sometimes, I don't love it. Isn't that terrible? I wouldn't trade not one single second of my motherhood for anything in the world, but there are times when I don't love it. And while I suppose most moms out there feel that way every now and again, I've found myself in the past year feeling that way more and more.

A lot is going on in my life right now. An awful lot. And I'm going to go ahead and make another confession here: I've been a lazy parent. You heard me right. This realization has come to me slowly but surely, and only recently have I been able to admit it, even to myself. In the face of a lot of sadness, unhappiness, weariness, and anger, I let my most important job fall by the wayside. I was providing my kiddos the necessities and failing them in most other areas.

I had an epiphany a few days ago. It occurred to me in great detail what my adult children will be like someday if I don't take charge and change things right now. My kiddos are often out of my control. They fight a lot, not just with words but with physical force. They live in a fairly chaotic environment. In fact, I've seen us reflected so often in families on Supernanny, it's scary. These kiddos deserve SO much more from me, and SO much more from life. If they're not worth pulling up my bootstraps for, what is?

So that's it. Pretty big, eh? But I have a plan. Or rather, God has a plan. Daily life around here is hard already, and I am quite certain it will get worse before it gets better, so I am convinced this is going to be CRAZY amounts of hard. But you know what? I can do hard things. I really, really can. I didn't think I could, until just two days ago. I woke up knowing it after years of having no clue. This mama is going to fight for her kiddos, for her family, and even for herself. The latter may prove to be the hardest. But like I said, I CAN DO HARD THINGS. These gorgeous, amazing little beings are worth every ounce of fight I've got in me and then some.